I have a migraine at 230am and I think it was brought on from my neck placement while watching a movie -__-
It was a great recommendation from C though. I liked it quite a lot. From what he’s told me so far, plus this movie, I’m understanding his philosophy about life a little bit more; I enjoy it, it’s refreshing to hear.

The movie was Apocolypto btw. I recommend it now as well.

Fuck this. I’m asking him. And if it’s too off putting then he can’t handle me. And if he can’t handle me, then it’s his loss. I’m tired of skirting around and making sure I don’t “scare” people away with my honesty. I know what I want and if they can’t deal, then I’m done. Fuck this playing games, being passive, hiding certain sides of me shit. If you want to just be my friend, fucking tell me. I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cling, I’m not going to go off on you. Just be fucking honest and straightforward so I can go on with my life. I’m not going to hang around and wait when I can be putting my efforts into someone that actually deserves me. Fuck.

End rant.

I just don’t get it.

I am superbly done with this day… no, this week, already.

You were in one of my dreams last night. I was in love with you, and you with me. I thought your face wouldn’t have residency in my head anymore. But it does. And I hate it. And woke up feeling more broken than when I fell asleep.

Happy Monday.

5 random things

Tagged by l0yalty-0ver-r0yalty and artistluv

"Five random things about yourself then pass it along to ten of your favourite followers."

I’m tagging:
tabiibb cozyafternoons eyeohtah capricious-tendencies umistakeme-forstraight queercyberpunk loll-wut cppietrrz elovvvin laurdadino

1. I have a thing for brownies. My themselves, in ice cream, on cheesecake, in cookies, blended in milkshakes, all the different kinds; love.

2. I really feel like I’m one of the most loyal friends you could have. I’m not the greatesttt at keeping in contact, but every single friend I’ve made a great connection with stays in my thoughts and I’m very open to “rekindling” and meeting up without there being any awkwardness. If you ever needed me, no matter the span of time, and distance if I can get there, I’d be there. Even just a call, text, or message!

3. I’m pretty damn sure I think I’m going to join ROLLER DERBY this year! … If I make it past the tryouts :)

4. I’m super sad that I’ve gained all my weight back from last year when I was looking fine as hell…. And it’s now gotten to the point where I just feel too defeated and gross to start treating my body better…. Hello answer #1….

5. I’m going to Michigan next week with my family for a weekend; we go every summer and the shopping and eating with less taxes is awesome! … Also, hello tuff-desperado :)

Been feeling sad for some reason all day today, which made me fall asleep right after dinner around 7…. Now it’s quarter to 1am and I’m fucking wide awake. Guess I’m staying up all night!

Really, scientists NEED to get on this teleportation thing. I need to be in at least 5 places tonight to cuddle, chill, rant, dance, and be high as fuck at the same time. Ughhhhh!!! Long distance relationships/friendships suckkkk.

I was tagged by miss caitlinchka!
1. I absolutely adore singing! So much so that I’m seriously contemplating recording myself and uploading videos come the Fall :)
2. I am the worst at watching romantic movies with because I’m a cynic during them. But I’m also the gushiest person you’ll me. I love love and the thought of being in love with someone and being yourself and silly and trusted and relied on and ugh! Everything💓💓💓
3. I’ve only ever had a paying job with 2 companies, one for 3 months, and the other that I’m currently with going on my 4th year.
4. I’m going back to school this Fall!!! For Sociology part-time, but will probably do a major, minor in that and Women’s Studies.
5. I’m a totally doggie person! I fucking love them! If you have a dog, I’ll be the person that comes over to your house and would love to be mauled by them and play with them while we hangout.
6. I have 1 full sister, 1 half brother, 1 half sister, 2 step sisters, and 1 step brother. And I’m the middle ager between them all, but the oldest to my blood siblings.
7. I have a weakness for cute, sweet, silly, thoughtful, good-looking/average people over hot, intimidating, seemingly “perfect” people. I’ve never been one to fall head-over-heels for someone with a rocking body, dazzling smile, and perfect bone structure. I appreciate, but just not a preference.
8. I will try almost anything once. Seriously. Food, drinks, activities, etc.
9. I’ve always, and will probably forever, dream of being a dancer or singer.
10. I’m constantly anxious that I’ll end up alone.

I’m tagging queercyberpunk soreribs jennhayfield l0yalty-0ver-r0yalty hardfemmebitch

Don’t worry about me, I don’t need the judgement.

He’s too good to be true.

Friday, July 18, 2014; between the times of 9:45 pm and 10:45 pm.

Feeling U, Feeling Me - Alicia Keys

Please give me a sign.

I’m fucking fuming right now! I’m so pissed that my heart won’t let this shitty crush on you go. It’s a fucking waste of my emotions, and my head and every other realistic fibre of my being knows it. I hate it. I it hate so damn much. There are other people I should be able to let in and feel for - god knows they don’t come around often enough for me to not give them a chance. But no, I have to be stuck on you, YOU. You who doesn’t care, and will never care about me like this. This isn’t some “friend-zoning” type shit, this is just “you’re not what I’m looking for” and I know that, but it won’t go AWAY. And I’m fuming, just fuming.

I’m fucking fuming right now! I’m so pissed that my heart won’t let this shitty crush on you go. It’s a fucking waste of my emotions, and my head and every other realistic fibre of my being knows it. I hate it. I it hate so damn much. There are other people I should be able to let in and feel for - god knows they don’t come around often enough for me to not give them a chance. But no, I have to be stuck on you, YOU. You who doesn’t care, and will never care about me like this. This isn’t some “friend-zoning” type shit, this is just “you’re not what I’m looking for” and I know that, but it won’t go AWAY. And I’m fuming, just fuming.